Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize