Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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