community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
