the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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