There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
