also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize