so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
