drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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