good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
