Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
So much rum. So many feels.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
