He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize