Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize