32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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