I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
