He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
