I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize