I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
