the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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