hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
