Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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