Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
