I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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