THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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