he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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