u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
