it was like having sex with a tree stump
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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