who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Your cock deserves a montage
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
