My underwear smells like fireworks.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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