I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
