why didn't you poke me back
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
