i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
