Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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