i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
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