remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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