Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It's blow job season.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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