I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
