I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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