i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
