He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
