I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
This can only be settled by a dance off.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
