Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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