i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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