i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
My balls are so social today.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
