I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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