Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
