Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize