bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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