i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
