I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
