Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize