yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
