im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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