Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
