I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
