Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
