I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
