also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
