You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
