Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.

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(760): View more from California

I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass

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(757): View more from Virginia

You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....

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(239): View more from Florida

He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.

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(925): View more from California

it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.

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(260): View more from Indiana

After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.

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(979): View more from Texas

He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic

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(469): View more from Texas

It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.

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(440): View more from Ohio

I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book

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