Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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