can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
