and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
