Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
