So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize