my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
