I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
