I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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