if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
