nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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