u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
