Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
