dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
