I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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